Christmas lights & a stolen heart

It's the afternoon of my 4th full day home. Upon arrival to the US, life has picked up exactly where it left off: sheer chaos. I sit in my popisson chair in the corner of my room and can't even see the floor... laundry hasn't even begun, gifts for people are still in their bags, and my bag is only seemingly unpacked b/c its half poured-out. Yet I sit here, writing, because I cannot get Rwanda out of my head.

Or my heart.

Jim Elliot once said "Wherever you are, be all there." How hard it is to be somewhere when you want to be somewhere else. I knew going on this trip would have an impact on me, but I didn't know to what extent. And I sure didn't think my experiences would have an impact on my Christmas decorating.

Since being home I have jumped right into some joyous events: a best friend's wedding and Thanksgiving, followed by a day of Christmas decorating (today) with my roommate. But as adrenaline crashes and emotions surge, I'm finding it harder and harder to muster a cheery and festive disposition. My thoughts are being enveloped by the people and country I have left just a few days ago.

It's so weird to have a place that's so far away feel so much like home. I know I don't look like I fit in, but it felt like I did. For one of the first times in a long time I felt a different sort of peace. The comfort of where I am right now is one of God's "you're being obedient and you're where you need to be." The assurance while I was there was more of a "this is what I was made for". And to leave that, well, it feels like you left your soul and your heart. Simply, it hurts.

To pick out one special moment from the limited 8 days I was there is absurd. To hone in on one beautiful child that changed me is out of the question. To even ask me to express one favorite thing about the country itself is silly. There is simply no way to narrow down the amount of physical, emotional, and cultural experiences I had in Rwanda to a top 3 list.

Throughout the experiences combined, though, I came to one conclusion: My personal purpose in this life is to come alongside those who have lost hope and help strengthen them through who Jesus Christ has made me to be. To never cease seeing people the way God does; to see people as loved and cherished and created with intentionality and a purpose beyond what our limited view can capture.

There are the questions I left Rwanda with, and oddly enough I have peace with all these questions. I know the questions will lead me somewhere. I know they are God-inspired because they are not overwhelming, but rather hopeful. The questions give me a hope that I am moving somewhere; I just have to pick up my feet and walk despite not knowing all the answers.

Rwanda has stolen my heart, and I hope one day to go back and retrieve it. But until then, I must learn how to "be all here" while walking into the unknown and trusting God will grab my hand and lead me onto the road He's marked out for me.

Hair Extensions, A Yellow Fever Card & 1 Pair of shoes.

In approximately 22 hours I will be leaving one continent with 9 other friends and traveling to another. I have no idea what to expect, nor any basis on which to compare the coming experience to. I know Spanish and understand Pesos; I do not understand Kinyarwanda nor how to calculate the value of a Franc...Francs.... I can't even properly use it in a sentence.
I have tried my best to prepare as well as possible for this trip. I did indeed get hair extensions to be able to put my hair in a ponytail everyday. I had 4 shots put into my arm to make me stand strong against Yellow Fever, Typhoid, Hep A, and Polio. I have Milaria pills to take, and Cipro for that "just in case" scenario.

It's strange to prepare so strategically and intentionally for a place where people live on a daily basis and probably don't use anything that is mandatory for me to have.

I decided to not bring any curling irons, blow dryers or makeup. I am bringing one pair of shoes and a few shirts and pants. How big of me, I know. I'm not meaning for it to sound like that; I'm just looking for as few distractions as possible. I live in America, so I act American, but I'd really rather not. I am genuinely looking forward to not only not knowing what to expect, but also to living simply. I am, quite frankly, not disciplined enough to do it here in the States. My ADD kicks in, and I just excited about everything... and I mean, EVERYthing. Coffee, clothes, running stuff, planners, journals, books, yarn, buttons, bows, mugs, food, etc etc etc! It's crazy. Being constantly surrounded by such materialistically pretty things is kryptonite for someone like me.

I'm beyond excited to find a beauty expressed in people, life, and culture that I cannot find at the Cherry Hill Mall. I am anxious to meet the natives and make a fool of myself because I don't understand their culture. I am curious to hear their stories and to know what their "bubble" consists of.

I know I am where I am for a reason. I really do. I have never had such peace about what I'm doing and where I am. I know God has called me, as well as every believer, to share His Love, and I'm trying my best to do it wherever I am. And I know that when, or if, the time comes that God nudges me in the direction of moving overseas, that it will be timely and right. But for now I have these 10 days, and I am desperate for them.

I have a funny feeling that this trip to Rwanda will go by too fast. I'm pretty sure that the people will help me more than I will help them. And I'm almost positive I will want to stay. But no matter what the outcome, the trip is happening for a reason, and the most I can expect is to serve.