running for my life

(fair warning: this is a semi-scattered blog. hang in there.)

I was talking to my sister the other morning and told her how I've been noticing lately that I'm mortal (typing that out makes me realize the ridiculousness of that statement). She responded with: "Good! Now you won't want to jump out of planes and do stuff like that"
To which I quickly said "No, no... I'm just more aware of what I'm doing."

And it hit me.

I feel as though the last 25 years of my life I've been meandering through this walk of following Jesus, and not really understanding what it means. I think we forget how mortal our souls are. Let me change that thought: I never knew my soul was mortal.

It's a different kind of morality, though. Not the sort of morality one thinks of when someone dies. But we can indeed let our souls die.

So, over the last year and a half I've started running. No, not from anything. I get Runners World magazine in the mail once a month and I like to try on sneakers that I think will help my performance. It's also an excuse to buy more clothes... special "running clothes" (yes, marketing and clever advertising really does work). If you've known me for a little while, though, you'll know running isn't my forte. My friends in college actually used to ask me to run when they wanted a good laugh... apparently I run funny. Which explains some of the reasons why I've never run before.
Needless to say I got over my fear of looking stupid, and began realizing all the other people that run funny.... yet still run. So I guess maybe I didn't get over my personal fear, but realized it wasn't such a big deal after all. Into Sports Authority I went, bought some Saucony's, and hit the ground running. Now here it is, many months later, and I'm signed up for a half-marathon.
I've never regretted anything so much in my life. All of the sudden running for fun just became training so I don't die... and I think I've run 4 times since signing up a month ago.

I've wanted to jump out of a plane for years now, but have never even given a second thought to running a marathon... or even a half marathon. Do you know why I did it though? Because it was free. I got a coupon via email that said if I'm one of the first 20 people to sign up, I get to run 13.1 miles for free (because completely normal people pay $85 to do this). Well, I just can't say no to a bargain. So now, instead of "falling with style" out of the sky, I'm "running with not so much style" on the ground.

A long time ago I realized that this world is kind of pointless on its own. If you take everything at face-value, it's not worth much. We've just decided they are... and I can't live like that. I can't live in that game... and I'm glad I don't have to. I was introduced to the Truth that there really is more than meets the eye, and thus my relationship with Jesus Christ began.

A lot of people begin a relationship with Jesus. It's free for everybody, so that's usually a cool incentive. And it gets you out of hell... possibly an even better incentive.

"All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should."
1 Cor. 9:25-26

Truth is, I can sign up for as many marathons as I want and read Runners World as much as I can. I know I need to run about once every 2 weeks and do yoga a few times to maintain the form of a runner. But when September 10th comes and I put on my number ticket and start running, I'm not going to get very far.

This life I'm living isn't just to jump out of airplanes. That's why people create bucket lists... we all know that those things aren't what life is about, but we feel the need to do them anyway (and that's another conversation in and of itself). Over the past few months, I'm feeling...a lot. I'm feeling the anger of injustice, the sorrow of a hurting friend, the joys of a celebrating couple, and the hopelessness of a broken soul. These feelings are not personally drawn to surface from my own being. I know whence they come from, and I can guarantee you it's not from the conjures of my heart. But it's as if Jesus is saying: Following me is not on your bucket list.

Following Jesus is more than a free sign-up for the first 20 people who are too cheap to buy in. It's more than reading Relevant magazine and writing blogs about Him. It's more than maintaining an attitude of kindness only when speaking to people. Our bodies fade. Our ideas fizzle. Our souls are what carries on to the next stage of life... and if we're not careful, we could reach the end of our life and wonder when we let our souls become so weak that they cannot stand to worship our Creator.

We all go through rough spots. Running has taught me that. Some days are just not great running days, and that's ok. Some days I run longer, and I get excited... and then some days a mile is like running 205,000 miles. But either through walking/running, I finish. And some days I bail, quit, and regret it. But tomorrow is always a new day.

I speak not of the rough spots. I've learned by now that perfection in any area is absurd. But one thing I refuse to give into is the idea that you don't need to do anything to keep your soul alive. I need love. Lots of love. And no, not from you. I need love from Jesus...which I have. And it's through that love that I'm able to act, think, move, and be in a way that keeps my soul beating.

Following Jesus isn't always fun. Sometimes it is... sometimes you run by a breathtaking sunset that makes you wonder if you're not dreaming. Sometimes you run with a friend who encourages you to push yourself a little harder, all the while sticking by your side.

But sometimes you're running in the cold, bitter rain, with no one beside you. It feels lonely, and impossible to finish. You think to yourself "Is this worth it? Will it really affect anybody if I bail?" In the world of running, probably not. But in the running I speak of... well, I'll let you to talk that over with Jesus.

I leave you with this:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.
And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us".
Heb. 12:1

Maybe we're not as alone as we thought.