This isn't as depressing as it sounds.

We are shells. Skin, hair, nails, legs, bones. We are made of dust. We are created, and eventually we decay as we return to the dust from which we were originally formed.

This blog has been a long one in the making.

Over the past 6 months 2 people in my family have passed away. My grandfather first, and then most recently my great-uncle. Over the past 24 years of my life, only one other person that I have known well has passed on, and it happened when I was much younger.

The death of my grandfather hit me hard. He was an integral part of our family. He and my grandmother played a large part in my life- taking us to Disney World, the countless stays at their house in Long Island, Thanksgiving dinners, the playtimes, and the list goes on. He was a Navy man who loved to laugh, loved crumb cake, loved his family, and loved His Lord. His passing wasn't sudden; his body started to "shut down" (as we say) about ten years ago after a stroke. His speech was minimum, he couldn't see very well, his coordination was mismatched, and there was little (towards the end) that he could do by myself. My amazing grandmother stuck by his side every second... the love they shared is another story in and of itself. But if you don't believe in true love, well, you haven't met my grandparents.

The death of my great uncle was slightly more sudden, but only in comparison to my grandfather. Uncle Ralph suffered from physical ailments for years, but within the last few months was hospitalized and given his final days. He and his family were able to give their goodbyes and share their last earthly moments together. My Uncle leaves such positive memories in my head- he and my Aunt Mary came to Thanksgiving at our house every year. He always smelled of cigars and had the most beautiful, deep singing voice a man could have. Christ was at his center, and His love spewed into every relationship. His love for music and laughter attracted many to him, and his presence, along with Pop-pop's, will be greatly missed here on this earth.

As I have been trying to process these deaths, it hasn't been easy. Especially after the most recent. My grandfather didn't have an open casket. But at my Uncles, there were a few seconds where I saw him lying there. As I sit here typing this, I'll never forget the shock and almost surreal feelings that encompassed me as my eyes locked on his face. The open casket caught me by surprise, and I could barely hold contact with the face before me for much longer than 10 seconds before breaking into heart-wrenching sobs. And oddly enough, it's not out of pure sadness.

We are just shells, and I've never realized that more than I did in that moment. If I think about it too long, it actually starts to freak me out a little bit. I kind of feel like pulling at my skin to get inside to where I really am. It's beyond my comprehension to understand how it happens, but my uncle is not the person that I saw in the coffin. It was the packaging. The soul of who he was still remains; his soul is home.

The rest of the funeral was surreal. Standing next to my grandmother (my uncle's one and only sibling) as she's holding my hand and singing hymns about God's faithfulness and the hope of tomorrow. The same grandmother that just lost her husband 5 months ago. As me and my brother made our way home my mind was still spinning. Typically I think death forces us to rethink what we place our faith in. I place my faith in the fact the Jesus Christ has offered salvation to every one of us while we are here on earth, and what we do with that offer determines what happens when we pass on. And I know, more than ever, that my faith is still in Christ alone. My faith is not my crutch. It's not something I'm hoping is right. My faith has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with Him. Staring in that coffin caused me to remember that last time I checked, I didn't create myself, and I certainly won't know what to do with myself when I die. This life is not the end-all; it's only the beginning. This is the packaging stage... Handle the contents with care.

Please go away from reading this blog post (if you've made it this far) knowing that you are much more than an empty shell. You are more than what you see. What I see. We are comprised of a soul that is begging to be freed from its shell...and one day it will be. Don't focus so much on the shell. Don't place all your efforts into what decays back into dust.

Rejoice in the fact that we will not always be limited by our skin and bones, and that we are MUCH more than a physical make-up.