Milk and a 1040 form, please?

There is nothing worse than needing something.

Well, there's nothing worse than needing something you can't get yourself.

A lot of times the kids will ask me for something (ie, a glass of milk) and I'll say "Yeah, just wait a second" because I'm in the middle of helping another one. Typically, I forget about the milk only to reminded by a not so gentle tug on the shirt and long, drawn out whine of "Meeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllll. Can I pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease have some milk?" In the midst of the chaos it's easy to get annoyed until I remember that unless I get this for them, they will not have it. And if they try, they will probably make a mess or hurt themselves. Both are fixable things, but never the less just better if I get it.

There are a lot of things in life that we grow out needing help with. Getting a glass of milk, for example. Hopefully, at some point, you are completely capable of doing that yourself. (hopefully).

But then there are other things, like figuring out my taxes, that I'll ALWAYS need help with. Maybe this is a personal example ... :)

In all seriousness, though, there are just certain battles in life that will never go away. One being this:

I will always need Jesus.

Never before has this been so obvious as of late. And, to be honest, it's kind of frustrating. It's crippling to know I need Him to save me, but I guess that's the point. What's the point in having a savior if you don't need saving? It's frustrating too because no other relationship that I've known or currently have is like the one I have with Him. It's genuinely a struggle to even type what I'm about to say next because I think it's still hard for me to accept...but that doesn't make it any less true:
No matter how much I screw up, He still loves me. He still forgives me. He still wants me.

It hurts to know this. It hurts to know that I abuse Him. I want Him to throw me away to give me what I deserve... But He doesn't. He doesn't give us what we deserve. He may let us deal with consequences to decisions that we've made, but even in that His grace helps us through it. I want Him to tell me "enough is enough, Mel. You've sinned one too many times". But He doesn't....

We will never be able to do this thing called "life" on our own. Ever. And while all of my body fights my soul to try and convince it that it can, my soul is strengthened by the One who has it.

I need Him. You need Him. I don't know how people live without Jesus... there's no point. Without His help I'm worthless. And we don't grow out of needing Him. The more I try to do it on my own, the more I spill and the more I hurt myself...and others. You'd think that after 25 years of knowing Jesus I'd know this inside and out, but, well, apparently I don't.

It takes a large blow to the pride to know I can't save myself. And typing that out makes me realize how utterly ridiculous it is to think that I can. No more ridiculous, though, than a 2 yr old trying to do their taxes.