...Then I Got Married. (Don't worry. This isn't a mushy love blog)

I remember when I was learning how to be disciplined with my money I came to the realization that I thought in order to appreciate something I liked I had to own it.  I wanted others to see that I appreciated good things.  In other words, possession = the highest form of appreciation and good taste. 

I think that transferred into real life and people.  I see people I admire, respect, and like.  I want to be like them.  But much like adding lots of material things into my life makes me broke, so did adding lots of personalities to myself makes me tired.  Constantly thinking how I wanted to be portrayed to others left my brain fried and my insides screaming insecurity.  

Then I got married.  

Planning weddings has changed a lot over the years.  "Out of the box" weddings used to be unacceptable, whereas now they're expected.  DIY used to be "eh" and affordable, but now viewed as beautiful and sometimes more expensive (plus more work).  Weddings have become a little girl's dream turned into a big girl's Pinterest contest.  It's chaos (at least in my world). I'm so glad Noah and I took 4 months to plan our wedding.  I needed the 4 months to be somewhat organized (let's be honest... even if I had 2 YEARS I'd never be organized).  But the shortness of time didn't allow for a ton of extras.  I continually reminded myself that the day was about marrying the man God gave me as my better half, not to win a Pinterest award. 

The wedding came and went and I thought it was the best day ever.  That was until I realized that the foggy & damp weather stripped all the curl and hard work out of my hair that my amazing friend Karol styled.  (I never once looked in a mirror on my wedding day).  And until I let myself go on Pinterest after the wedding and saw all the cute ideas I could've done. For a few weeks, nay, months, I had to not think about the wedding because of what it was doing to my emotions.  I think riDICulous best describes this scenario, but I couldn't help it.  Then I had to make a photobook of the wedding for my mom for Christmas.  I was forced to look at hundreds of pictures of me with straight hair (which is pretty obvious by now that it's my biggest vanity) and layouts of a gazebo in which I could have had pom poms.  The amount of conviction I felt over this pride in my heart was overwhelming.  But as I sat there looking at those pictures, I realized something else (something I really already knew): I was so unbelievably happy in all the pictures.  And you can't fake that.  

Just for the record, this post isn't about anti-pinterest or anti-DIY weddings.  It isn't about if you hate what the weather does to your hair on your wedding day then you'll have a great day.  

What it IS about is this: 

The decision that I made on that day was what it was all about: marrying Noah.  All the extra details were, well just that- extra details.  The extra clothes that I buy to show other people what good taste I have is extra.... but the decisions I make every day about loving God and people are what really matter.  The extras aren't necessarily bad, but when they get in the way of making good, healthy decisions and enjoying those decisions, then I think they become bad.  

This lesson has transferred into SO many areas of my life.  When I find myself comparing what I don't have among others, I simply remind myself that WHO I am is exactly who I need to be right now.  Why? Because God doesn't make mistakes.  WE do.  We fill our lives with expectations and promises to others of who can be.  Don't get me wrong... none of us are perfect.  I will never stop trying to better the bad things about myself and learning from others that I respect and admire.  But I will stop trying to look like them.  How you and I display kindness will look different, because we are different people.  And that's GOOD!  My wedding will look different than so-and-so's because we're different... yay! 

One time I told my dad I was surprised by the kind of car he drove because it wasn't "him".  While I don't remember the exact wording, I will never forget the look on his face as he responded with something along these lines:

 "The day I let a car define who I am will be the day that I need to do some serious re-thinking about my life".  

Something I've started telling myself when I'm in a store and I'm being tempted to buy something is: "This will not change my life or the world.  I don't need it".  And as silly and dramatic as it is, that reminder that this article of clothing or accessory that I can't afford is really to impress someone else is enough for me.  Why? Because I've realized that I can better love people when I'm not so busy trying to be other people.  

Appreciate life.  Appreciate what others have.  But more importantly, appreciate the body, heart, and life God has given YOU.  Don't let things define you.  It's an age old lesson, but still just as true.  It's a continual battle everyday as I remind myself that I am who and where I am for a reason, and it doesn't matter what anyone else has or does.  Appreciate what's around you, but don't always feel the need to put it on.  Constantly try to improve the bads about you, but never cease to rely on His grace and intentionality in making you who you are.